Bittersweet
by Greengirl17
Summary: "I was thinking…" Jo took in a deep breath. "Before I go, I think we should have sex." Kendall felt his restraint begin to wither, but then he imagined the hurt, broken look Jo would have later if they continued now. The moment was bittersweet./moreinside


**Bittersweet**

**AUTHORS NOTE:** _**Take place during the "Break Up" episode. On Jo's last day in L.A., while they're laying down on the blanket.**_

**DISCLAIMER:**_** I do not own anything of Big Time Rush.**_

**CATEGORIES:****_ romance, hurt/comfort, bit of angst, teeny bit of humor_**

Jo and Kendall were laying down on the blanket together, with Kendall's arm around Jo. They lay on a striped blanket, watching the clouds. There were there together, alone in a secluded area where no one could see them or hear them. It was a perfect moment, except for the fact that Jo would be leaving for New Zealand for three years the following afternoon, to shoot a three-part movie. The moment was bittersweet.

Jo turned her head to look at Kendall. She had so much more to do here in LA, most things not possible, but maybe some of them were. There was something she hadn't done with Kendall, something that she had wanted to do since before she had even auditioned for !¡, the movie that she was leaving for. She sighed, indecision filling her mind.

She watched Kendall lovingly, studying him. The curve of his lips, slight smile that was always on his face whenever they were together, though now the smile was slightly sad. Then Jo made up her mind. She would do this.

"Kendall?" she asked cautiously.

"Hmm?" he responded, turning to look at her, his green eyes boring into her brown ones.

"I've been thinking." Jo started. "There's so much that I haven't done yet, that we haven't done yet. And I was thinking…" Jo took in a deep breath. "Before I go, I think we should have sex." She looked nervously into his eyes, desperately searching for his reaction.

For a moment, his eyes were filled with lust, but then the lust went away, replaced with some else. Something indecipherable.

"Jo," he began, Jo wishing that she could chew her fingernails like she always did when she was nervous, but not doing so so as not to interrupt Kendall. "I really like you, and, I think I might even love you." Jo smiled at this, her first true smile since finding out that she would be going away for three years.

"I think I love you too." Jo whispered, eliciting a smile from Kendall. But as soon as it appeared, it disappeared.

"But we can't." Kendall told her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tight. Disappointment filled Jo. She tried not to let it show but Kendal saw. His eyes filled with love and he kissed Jo softly on the lips. Just as Jo tried to deepen the kiss, Kendall pulled away. Now, Jo was confused. Kendall saw it and smiled, he could always read Jo's emotions so well, it was one of the many reasons they made such a great couple.

_Though we'll be over by tomorrow_, he thought.

_Don't dwell on it_, said another part of his brain. _Enjoy what you can, but don't enjoy her too much. You'll only leave her worse than she is…_

"We can't have sex." Kendall told her.

"Why not?" Jo asked, sounding slightly whiny. "Because I have condoms." she blurted out, blushing as she said it.

Kendall, also blushing, said, "No that's not it. It just that I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for."

"But I am ready." Jo purred, moving over so that she was on top of Kendall, their chests touching, but not so that she was straddling him. "I am ready." she said again, before pressing her lips to his. She cupped one hand over his cheek, her other hand slowly sliding down towards Kendall's groin, the boy not even noticing as he wrapped his arms around Jo, his teenage hormones taking over. Jo deepened the kiss, and Kendall reciprocated, an erection starting to grow. Finally, Jo's fingers reached their destination, slowly brushing across Kendall's crotch. He moaned, not able to hold it in. But then he remembered what the consequences would be if he continued. He moved his head so that he could talk to Jo, but as he did, Jo moved her lips to his neck, kissing and sucking. Kendal moaned again, as Jo began to move her fingers over the fabric of his crotch slowly. He felt his restraint begin to wither, but then he imagined the hurt, broken look Jo would have later if they continued now. That was enough to stop him. He pushed her off and sat up, looking down at her and waiting for her to sit up too.

While Jo began to sit up, Kendall thought about how much her attitude about sex had changed. Just a week ago, they had been making out when Kendall got a hard-on. It was a while before she noticed, but when she did she stopped, averted her eyes, and blushed a deep shade of crimson. That had happened multiple times before, and Jo always had then same reaction: a)Notice boner b)stop making out with guy who had gotten boner, a.k.a Kendall c)avoid eye contact with said guy d)blush

Back then, Kendall had wished that Jo would have a different reaction, and now he wished that she would have the same reaction as she had had before. Kendall did not like being put in this position.

He noticed Jo's eyes attempting to catch his own, and looked at her, trying to ignore her look of confusion, sadness, and hurt, trying to ignore the erotic sight of her hair slightly mussed and he lips swollen from kissing.

"Jo," he began. "We can't. I know that you want to, and you think that you're ready. You might be, but now is not the time. Listen, I want to. I really do. But it wouldn't be fair to you, or to me. You want to now, but later you'll regret it. If you were staying…" he sighed. "Maybe it would be different. But now, we can't. If in the time we're apart, one of us finds someone else that we like, we shouldn't say no because we had sex before we left. When we do have sex, I want it to be romantic, and not when we're about to go separate ways. When we have sex, I want us both to be completely ready, and not rushing into it because we're going to be separated for… a long time." Kendall looked at Jo cautiously, waiting to see her reaction, and surprised to see a single tear leaking from her eye.

She jumped and wrapped her arms around Kendall, tears silently leaking from her eyes. "Thank you." she whispered, not trusting her own voice. Kendall nodded and rubbed circles on her back. "That was beautiful. And, it's made me realize…" she pulled away from Kendall and looked into his eyes. "It's made me realize that I love you, Kendall Knight, and three years apart won't change that." she said, her voice stronger, and meaning every word.

"I love you, too." Kendall said, realizing how much he cared about Jo when she had said "I love you" to him. He leaned forward and pressed their lips together softly, then pulling back so that their foreheads were touching. They smiled at each other, eyes filled with love for each other, and just a hint of sadness, for soon they would be separated for three years. But mostly it was just love.

The moment was bittersweet.


End file.
